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Classification of Men!

December 20, 2011
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I have read many emails/blog posts categorising women into many a varied kind of slots – the hot one, the pretty one, the naughty one, the haughty one, the nagging one, the aloof one.. and so on and so forth. It’s time the womenfolk lay down the categories for different kind of men, who fulfil different needs at different stages of life. 

 

The Guy Friend

They are sometimes a woman’s best friends. They are always there when a girl needs to rave, rant or yap. They are always there to give sound advice (free from any external factor which usually influences a girl pal’s advice) on a wide ranging stuff – from which dress suits her to which guy she shouldn’t be friendly with to where to invest her money. They are also helpful in fishing out information about any guy the girl is interested in and will also aid in her courtship. They do not mind if they are woken up at 3 am just to be told that she is depressed, but will instead cheer her up with typical boy jokes. They will also double up as a date on occasions when she fails to find any for her. Friendly emotion and no passion.

 

The Timepass

These are guys who are great company because they share similar interests. If a girl is a movie buff, this type of guy will happily accompany her to the plexes, film festivals, discuss new releases and exchange notes on ‘100 movies to watch before you die’. If a girl is crazy about books, then this type of guy is ideal for her to take to book fairs, book stores, book release events and to discuss her favourite authors. If a girl is a foodie, then she will look for guys who have information on new restaurants and take her to new gourmet places every week. Basically, it’s all about sharing activities and spending time in their favourite activity. No emotion, no passion.

 

The Hot Dude

These are men who are just hot. Period. They possess great physique and are usually found as gym trainers/co-trainer in gyms/member of college football squad etc. All women want is to make out with them and then share stories with their gal pas about his skills 😉 Women never try to have any conversation with them, since they are incapable of any sort of activity which requires brains. The male version of hot-chick-with-no-brains. No emotion but lots of passions.

 

The Boyfriend

These are guys with whom an emotional bond is made. The "Timepass" may or may not become a "Boyfriend" depending on a number of factors – compatibility, level of physical attraction and dependence etc. Boyfriends are usually the ones whom women claim to be "in love with". They take the woman out on dates, which involve mushy movies, romantic dinners, handholding and lots of cuddling. The bill for the movie and dinner is, of course, footed by the guy. Girls celebrate dates like "When we first met", "When I first smiled at you", "When we had our first fight" etc with these guys when they are expected to gift flowers/teddy bears/fancy cards to the girls. Lots of emotion and lots of passion.

 

The Husband

They are the most useful species after a certain age. They come to the aid of womenfolk when it’s time for them to settle down in life with someone. The "Boyfriend" may or may not become the "Husband", depending on the degree of ‘love’ between the two of them and also his bank balance. A reckless, loafer may make a great boyfriend but never a good husband. Husbands are required to be responsible, matured types with a stable life and steady income. He should be able to remember all dates in a couple’s life and also be able to buy diamonds/cars/iphones for their wives on such dates. He should be a good cook and a trained nappy-changer 😉 A right blend of emotion, passion and necessity.

 

stock-illustration-10233025-cartoon-men-faces

Folks, don’t kill me for coming up with this post, that too after almost a month-long hiatus. I was browsing through my drafts when I came across this one, half-written 2 years ago! I have been super busy and also depressed for a lot of reasons of late and hence badly needed a laugh. So I decided to treat everybody to a dose of sarcasm and humour (though I doubt the men will find any in the post ;-)) just to feel happy myself.

@ Women – do you agree with my classification or do you want to add/subtract any?

@ Men – Please don’t send me hate mails… Main abhi bhi kuwari hoon! 😉 

@ Others – Please note that my latest mantra is:

"Writer’s Block is a stupid excuse made by lazy people who don’t love to write" – Wilbur Smith

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. Rusha permalink
    December 20, 2011 8:18 pm

    I simply love the way you write….Superlike this post!!!!

    Despite so, I have to force you to read my blog 😦

  2. December 20, 2011 8:33 pm

    ‘They come to the aid of womenfolk when it’s time for them to settle down in life with someone’
    how eloquently put -_-

    🙂 🙂 That’s true also 😉

  3. swayambhu mukherjee permalink
    December 20, 2011 9:44 pm

    Who exactly are the “others”???!!! Loved your description of the Hot Dude. And yes, please keep writing…and entertaining. 😉

    I see you noticed that part 😉 Well, let’s put it this way.. My disclaimer wasn’t finished, so I added “Others” 😉

  4. Anusuya permalink
    December 21, 2011 10:36 am

    Hahaha!hope you have completed all four courses of meal and waiting for “Settle down” Husband material!

    I wish too! But I can only claim to have completed the Guy Friend type…Finding someone with similar interest or a really hot dude or an amazing boyfriend is quite difficult!

  5. January 9, 2012 4:01 pm

    Its high time you should get settled in life …. Or I guess the next Title would be: “Five Male types to avoid while in a Party” ….

    Loved the write up style and the humor you put in. I would recommend this to my circle !!!!!

    If by “get settled”, you meant being stable in life and knowing who I am as a person, I assure you I am settled. Thank you for recognising the humor in the piece.

    • January 11, 2012 2:17 pm

      No, I meant you should get married to know the male species better … Don’t want to make any more sparks out here as I guess you took it in a wrong way about “get settled” thing ….

      Keep Blogging !!! 🙂

      I did not take it the wrong way, just wanted to steer it towards the right way 🙂 If I get married, then I am going to write even more ‘blasphemous’ posts about men, so the status quo is much better, trust me 🙂

  6. Prasad permalink
    February 7, 2012 1:08 am

    There are 2 kinds of people in the world…The kind that classifies everyone into a few groups/types ,

    and everyone else 🙂

    “Why do girls always prefer the distant, aloof, handsome, dangerous dudes instead of cheerful chaps like me?”
    — Roger Ebert, Twilight review.

  7. Rakshit Monga permalink
    December 12, 2012 4:09 pm

    hahaha! Very funny

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