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Break ups….in friendship

November 16, 2009

“When you are young you just believe there will be many people with whom you will connect…Later in life you realise it happens only a few times”

I don’t remember where I came across this quote, but it stuck a chord with me. Isn’t it so true? There was a time when I never thought twice before fighting with a friend, not caring what will happen if we fall apart; mainly because I thought that I will meet many more such friends in my life later on. But after 24 springs, I can hardly say that I still think the same. On the other hand, I believe in the absolute opposite – that good friends are very few and hard to find and hence, it’s advisable to hold on to the ones we have in life.

When I was in junior classes in school, whoever happened to sit beside me on the first day of the session became my best friend, unless of course, something bitter caused a fight. I remember a nice, quiet girl sat beside me in class III, because her roll number was just before mine. I was pretty disappointed since the talkative me was thinking how to spend one whole year with a quiet girl as my desk mate. She went on to become a really good friend, who used to take care of my things as I had a bad habit of losing stuff easily and also alerted me in class whenever the teacher started to look my side, while I was engrossed in idle chit chats with the one sitting on my other side. She had a wonderful calming influence on me, always reminding me at the end of school hours about important tasks to be completed the next day. The next year, we were in different sections and after that we spoke seldom. I wish now I had made more efforts in continuing our friendship.

I forged very few close friendship in my senior years in school. They were not really people who sat beside me in class, but people with whom I connected. One such friend in my class was one who had supported me in a most crucial hour of need and we became close ever since. We had kept in touch even after I changed school in plus-two and when I joined law school. During my first few days in law school hostel, when I used to feel horribly lonely, she had once paid me a visit, gifted me chocolates and music CDs and we had spent three hours chatting nonstop – old-school-days-girlie-gossip style. But for some strange reason, later that year we fell apart. We just stopped talking and that was the end. After two years, in one moment of extreme pain and hurt, caused by another friend, I had sent her a message in her mobile phone, without revealing who it was. At that point of time, I somehow felt that she was the only one I could turn to. She immediately replied saying “Is it Debosmita”? I was stupefied to know that despite the time gap, she instinctively knew who had sent her that message, just because she knew me and my reactions so well. She did support me in that moment and we promised to meet up and catch up on lost time; but it never happened. We are now on Facebook terms; interacting only in the virtual medium.

Another close friend of mine in school was my friend, philosopher and guide plus my pseudo-mom. She was two years my senior, and my guide in practically everything that I did. The day we broke up was one of the most painful memories. Too much bitterness and unhappiness made the whole issue very painful. Later, every time I had something special to share with friends, I used to miss her. When I made it to NUJS, I badly wanted her to know, since she was the one who had introduced me to it. I used to wonder how I would react if I suddenly meet her some day. Well, that day did finally come. After six years of silence, she called me one day and asked, “Guess, who?”.  I responded as if we had last spoken just the day before. I am still in touch with her and meet her regularly. Some friendships, after all, do not break even with a six year time gap.

I regret deeply another breakup in friendship. We shared a wonderful friendship for the last 6 years, which finally crumbled under too much disappointments and misunderstandings around this time last year. Even though I like to believe that I have moved on, there are moments of solitude when I crave for that particular friend, who have been my constant guide in all my hours of need.

I sometimes wonder if I miss some of those friends with whom I have broken up, then why did the break-up with them happen in the first place?

20 Comments leave one →
  1. November 16, 2009 9:27 pm

    Whenever you miss a friend with whom you have broken up, you should just send an sms, or may be an email, to that person, and see how it goes from there. If you miss someone, it only means that you are/were very close to that person. I believe every relationship deserves a second chance, and good friendships are no different.

    Wonderfully written, by the way. Very lucid, and you do portray emotions really well.

    • debosmita permalink*
      November 17, 2009 3:40 pm

      Thanks 🙂

      Even before publishing this post, I have already called up two friends described here 🙂 New benefits of blogging, I say…

      • November 17, 2009 9:29 pm

        Really glad you called them…..Just remember one thing: they cared for you, and you loved them too. And it was all for a reason.

        In a way, you have been extremely lucky to have had so many good friends, and I am sure you realise that too. There are many people out there who are just dying for a bit of love and warmth. Tell you what, you seem to have had more break ups than I have had good, close friends!!


  2. November 17, 2009 3:21 pm

    Very well written…I think most people can empathise. I think nowadays, friendships tend to break up more so because of the distance. I do worry that some of my close friends who are back in India will ‘move on’ from our friendship but when I went back to India this year after almost 5 years, I was fortunate to find that with some of these friends, it felt like I’d never left…we were able to talk with ease just as we did in school and/or college. I have however broken up with other friends who were not good for me or who I felt just used me during a certain period of time in their lives. I think those break ups are easier to deal with in the future though at that point in time, it does hurt.

    • debosmita permalink*
      November 17, 2009 3:45 pm

      Breaking up with friends who were not worthy as friends do not hurt in the same way… It just hurts to deal with the fact that you let such kind of people become your friend, who used you for their purpose… sometimes you feel liberated by a breakup if the so-called friendship had become a burden…

      But to deal with the breakups with real close friends is the hardest part.

      Glad that you could connect with it.

  3. November 17, 2009 7:52 pm

    I believe that friends if are true should understand when we are crossed with them and should be with us through thick and thins…
    If they dont then they arent true friends!!!!
    And those which pass this test are truly very rare!!!!!!

    • debosmita permalink*
      November 19, 2009 10:39 am

      Hi, Niharika – welcome to my blog 🙂

      I agree, but you know, sometimes, these breakups happen for strange reasons or may be, there’s no breakup as such but you drift apart. Its not always a fight that induces a breakup.

  4. November 18, 2009 7:46 pm

    “We are now on Facebook terms”…i love this phrase. There’s a saying about facebook friends – “All my friends are virtual. I virtually have no friends.”

    • debosmita permalink*
      November 19, 2009 10:41 am

      Saha, welcome to my blog 🙂 Blogrolled you.

      I also heard this somewhere – the ones with the most number of friends on social networking sites are the ones who are lonely in real life…

  5. Anusuya permalink
    November 18, 2009 8:29 pm

    Nicely penned -I agree, a lot can emphatize with this blog.After reading this,you realize you are not the only one who had problems,fought with dear ones but there are many like you.But the greatness is in making up for such silly deeds because friendship is beyond such trivial things and great friends are to be treasured always!

    • debosmita permalink*
      November 19, 2009 10:44 am

      Punam, am so glad you dropped by and commented 🙂

      I realised how little it takes to reach out after a breakup – I already did, even after two-three years, you can always relive your friendship once again, provided of course, there was a strong bond in the first place 🙂

  6. November 18, 2009 11:50 pm

    I can relate to this post very easily as I’ve experienced similar things too. All it takes is just a msg or a phone call, and we don’t do it. And time just flies by.
    Well, wonderfully written. You couldn’t have written better than this on this topic. 🙂

    • debosmita permalink*
      November 19, 2009 10:45 am

      Thank you so much 🙂 I am sure all of us have experienced this sometime in our lives – the question is how many of us acted upon it…

      Yes, time just flies by and before you realise, a lot of things change.

  7. November 19, 2009 1:22 pm

    Makes me nostalgic! Well written..

    Saurabh (thru blogger’s orkut community)

  8. November 25, 2009 11:16 am

    Well, dtas the tragedy. When we break up, our ego, our own priorities come in the way. They start building a wall so rapidly that we cannot foresee our emotional downturn therein. Everytime I think about this break up I wonder why at all. We know that life without that one friend will be no more than a vegetables life. So why at all do we fight? If this was answered, perhaps this world would never have wars. So at least we can get back to each other. That is the only solution. No matter what happens jus forget and forgive. Thanks Debosmita for making us realise the value of friendship.

    • debosmita permalink*
      December 10, 2009 3:01 pm

      Hey, Debleena – exactly my sentiments 🙂

  9. July 23, 2010 2:23 am

    This one takes the cake.


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